I’ve been through a few tough years in my short nineteen
years of life and I’ve experienced a lot compared to others my age (probably
why I don’t feel like a 19 year old at all!), I won’t go into detail but it
involves, loss of a family member, domestic violence, suicidal attempts,
depression, divorce, disordered eating and being out of home to name a few.
Through all this somehow I found nutrition, health and
cooking as my escape, I think I discovered this obsession because I realised it
was the only thing I could control and one thing in my life that I had control
over. I could control everything I put into me and I loved that, something that
no one else could change or interfere with. Unfortunately this lead me down a
not so great path, of course I was gaining all of my knowledge from the media,
as we do with majority of, if not all, of our knowledge these days, this lead
me to a diet that consisted of, well, eating pretty little, almost always ‘healthy’
(depending on what your personal views are on healthy foods) then having
occasional binges which lead to guilt, I was also under a lot of stress at
home, working 40+ hour weeks, sleeping very little, exercising like crazy
(another thing I began to obsess over due to my power to control it) and being extremely
depressed, a result of all of this was 10kg of weight loss. Now, I never ever
needed to loose weight, I’m that naturally tall skinny girl that got away with
eating anything (and of course I did, I’m talking a whole family block of Cadbury
chocolate when I got home from school most days, or if we didn’t have any I’d
warm three mars bars up in the microwave until slightly soft and gooey and eat
it with a spoon..) Anyway, so 10kg of weight loss put me severely underweight, I
then became extremely self-conscious within my body, I stopped going out and
being around friends where I felt judged, until.. somewhere through my hours of
research (my spare time consists mostly of sitting on my bum researching) I stumbled
across veganism and then 801010, gradually I starting incorporating it into my
diet and now I’m 5 months-ish in and never felt better (but that’s a whole other
post in itself)
Looking back on it all now, it has made me an incredibly
strong person today and I seem to find positivity in everything, though as much
as I think it and say it I have trouble actually doing it and applying it in
life… until now of course, where I’ve finally manned up and decided to let
everything go and just be my friggen self and be happy and strong and positive
and my gosh is it a relief!
Lil x
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