I’m not entirely sure where I want this post to go or what message I’m trying to get across.
My mind is too muddled, too congested and I’ve noticed a few things about myself that I’m not exactly pleased with.
We all have ‘one of those days’ , or even weeks sometimes, where everything is dark and cold.. well I just had one of those weekends, I wanted to give up, I wanted to hide away and just drop everything, I wished certain things hadn’t happened in my life, I wished certain things weren’t happening in my life, I wished I had never began to care so much about my health and how I felt, I wished I just didn’t care about anything. This wasn’t me, this isn’t me, I don’t ever want to be and limit the definition of ‘me’.
In relation to my previous post one change; we are forever changing and I place far too much pressure on being perfect, staying the same, remaining what people perceive me as, what people tell me I am.. Rather than being the positive minded self that I naturally am I got down, sad and mad, I despised everyone else for the way I was feeling, I didn’t feel good enough, and I took every bit of emotion I was feeling out on everyone else, I played the blame gain and didn’t take any responsibility for the way I was feeling or my actions. I seem to do this a lot, I blame others for, as I would say, “not caring about themselves”, just because they don’t know and aren’t as aware about the importance of what we put into our body, it isn’t their fault that I research in all of my spare time and share a great passion in the matter, I get so frustrated at others that they don’t think about the, as I would call, “the more important things in life, like our future as a population, the powerful benefits of whole foods, the role the media plays on our perception, what is seen as a ‘standard diet’ now compare to years ago, the increase rate in illnesses and diseases across nations, the lack of funding being put towards health foods and the amount put into funding prescription medication, the amount of ‘diets’ out there that so many attempt without any further research, the torture so many are putting their precious bodies though..” clearly, still very passionate about these subjects, though just because others are not education or not interested in the matter is not their fault, I have chosen to take the path of ensuring I am educated in the fields as I am so intrigued and fascination by it all and that has been my choice, and just because they aren’t interested now doesn’t mean they won’t be in the future. We are forever changing and evolving and I need to better myself by not feeling anger towards others but doing my smart in helping educate others and teaching others about healthier choices they can make in their lives.
I’ve experienced a lot of hurt and sometimes we get down and it’s okay to get down it’s okay to feel shit, because you really do feel shit, but for as long as I can remember I’ve blamed others for the way I felt. I’m the only one who can control the way I feel, I know this, I write about this, but often I dont take on my own advice, it just proves how easy words can be said and how hard they can be to apply. Sometimes our hearts just need more time to accept what our minds already know, right?
We need to have patience with life, as much I want this current period of life over with right now, it’s one of the small steps that I need take in order to cover the distance that will someday get me to where I want to be, we need to be content with these small steps in order to ever feel satisfied and appreciate the present moment, without this we will constantly be striving for something else and never be happy with where we are. Life goes too fast as is, we need to slow it down as much as we can to make the most of everyday we get.
Lil xx
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